Cup of Coffee: January 19, 2023

Good morning! And welcome to Free Thursday!

The Mets signed a slap hitter, the Red Sox signed a part-time outfielder to be a full-time outfielder, the Brewers signed a utility guy with upside, the Twins extended a once-promising starter as something of a bet, and Atlanta’s disgraced former general manager speaks, but only partially, but maybe too much. I dunno, it’s complicated.

In Other Stuff there are some people in California who need our help, there’s a new song for Sad Dads everywhere, there’s a house for sale in which you may be interested, we have a new entry in The Stupidest, Most Careless Murderers sweepstakes, it’s looking like Ron DeSantis is gonna get run over by the Trump Train, we contemplate career tropes, and there’s a TV show I love except for one part that annoys me to no small degree.

The Daily Briefing

Mets sign Tommy Pham

The Mets already have a big power hitter in Pete Alonso so of course they have room for a slap hitter like Tommy Pham. He has now joined the team on a one-year, $6 million deal.

Outside of the context of fantasy football disputes, Pham, who will turn 35 in March, has not hit anything particularly hard in recent years. He sported a combined line of .236/.312/.374 (87 OPS+) while splitting time between the Reds and the Red Sox last season. On a Mets team with Mark Canha, Brandon Nimmo, and Starling Marte, he’ll be a fourth outfielder and occasional DH at best.

As for how the slapping incident and Pham’s character play for the Mets:

Well in that case it’s totally fine then?

In other news, the level of ball-washing Martino has done for the Mets since Steve Cohen took over is damn nigh monumental. Like, we were already breaking new ground here before “hey, at least he slapped an opposing player” hit the wires yesterday. Who knows where this could end up? Frankly, I’m excited.

Red Sox sign Adam Duvall

The Boston Red Sox have a deal with outfielder Adam Duvall. It’s for one year at $7 million. The deal includes plate appearances bonuses that can take it up to $10 million.

Duvall, 34, hit just .213/.276/.401 (87 OPS+) in 86 games in 2022 and then he had wrist surgery. He’s not the sort of hitter who should be playing every day at this point, I don’t reckon, and his ability to do more than spot-start in center, as opposed to a corner, is pretty questionable, but given that Kiké Hernández is now going to have to move to the infield, what with Trevor Story’s injury, Duvall is likely to be a regular part of the Bosox’ outfield.

What an assemblage of misfit toys Chaim Bloom has collected in Boston.

Brewers sign Brian Anderson

The Milwaukee Brewers have signed third baseman Brian Anderson to a one-year $3.5 million deal. Anderson was non-tendered earlier this offseason by the Marlins.

Anderson, 29, hit .222/.311/.346 with eight homers and one steal across 383 plate appearances last season with Miami. He’s better than that, really, but injuries have been a factor for him. He’s got some good defensive versatility, though, so the Brewers could’ve done way worse with a utility guy. Especially if he reverts to both good health and offensive form.

Twins, Paddack agree to a three-year extension

The Minnesota Twins have signed righty Chris Paddack to a three-year $12.525 million contract extension. The deal buys out Paddack’s final two seasons of arbitration eligibility and his first season of free agency with salaries of $2.5 million in each of the first two years and $7.5 million in 2025.

Paddack, who looked like a bright young star when he came up with the Padres in 2019 and served as their Opening Day starter in 2020, has struggled with command and then, last season, underwent Tommy John surgery, ending his 2022 campaign after five starts. As he will not see action until well into the upcoming season this deal is more of a bet on 2024-25 and, more broadly speaking, on the promise he showed four years ago.

John Coppolella speaks

Disgraced — and now reinstated — ex-Atlanta general manager John Coppolella has spoken to the media for the first time. At least sort of. It was via email to Jayson Stark of The Athletic. What’s more, Coppolella declined to talk about a number of topics, focusing instead on making sure everyone knows that he takes full responsibility for what he did with Atlanta and that he has gone out of his way to hold himself accountable. Which, as far as can be told from the outside, he has. At the very least there does not appear to be any blame-shifting or excuses on his part. Ideally he’d eventually talk more specifically about the unseemly world of international signings which he first exploited and which later led to his downfall, but I suppose what he does have to say is pretty admirable as far as it goes.

Know what, though? I think Coppolella may be justified if he did shift some blame and point some fingers here. I say that because, as I noted last week when his reinstatement was announced, there is no damn way he was some lone actor in Atlanta’s international bonus chicanery. Above Coppolella on the org chart were his two predecessors as Atlanta general manager, John Hart and John Schuerholz, each of whom were still quite active and quite hands-on in baseball operations until the hammer came down. Coppolella resigned on October 2, 2017. Then — magically and totally coincidentally! — Hart retired not long afterward and Schuerholz was bumped from Vice Chairman to Vice Chairman Emeritus. While the club did well to hire Alex Anthopoulos six weeks after Coppolella resigned, you’d think that a couple of experienced GMs like Hart and Schuerholz would’ve been useful interim executives, no? But nope, they either jumped or were pushed at the same time Coppy went bye-bye. I can think of some reasons for that.

Against that backdrop, this little bit from Stark’s column about how Coppolella got his post-suspension job working for a time-share company hits different, as the kids say:

Yeah, I know I’m venturing into conspiracy theory land here, but I still find it super duper weird that Coppolella wore all of this, the men he answered to did not, at least publicly, and then a job from the neighbor of one of those men landed in his lap. Taken all together, I can’t help but wonder if the whole affair has played out in such a way that everyone is better off for Coppolella, and only Coppolella, being held accountable for it.

Other Stuff

Please donate to the Merced Farmworkers Mutual Aid Fund

As you no doubt saw, Merced County, California and many other places out that way were placed under a federal Major Disaster Declaration earlier this week due to the massive storm systems and subsequent flooding which recently hit the west coast. One of the areas most severely affected is the small town of Planada, which was placed under a 100% evacuation order when the worst of it hit. Around 4,000 people live in Planada, many of whom are farmworkers. To say their lives have been upended is a massive understatement.

Baseball writer/Cup of Coffee subscriber Jen Mac Ramos lives in Merced County and they’ve hipped me to a way in which we can help the people of Planada: a mutual aid fund which has been created to provide relief for farmworkers who have been affected by the flooding. So far 70 households have applied for aid from the fund, which is hoping to give $500 per household. The goal, then, is to raise around $40,000. At present $6,854 has been raised so, obviously, there is work to be done.

The Venmo ID is @MercedFarmworkersFund. Anything you can do to help is much appreciated.

There’s a new song from The National

As a 40-something year-old sad dad I am obligated to let you know that there is a new song from The National:

On a scale of “not very The National” to “Yes, this is definitely The National,” this song is very definitely a song by The National. And no, I am not saying that as if it were anything approaching a bad thing. I mean, Allison gave me this hoodie a couple of months ago:

Inject this shit directly into my veins.

Wanna buy Frank Lloyd Wright’s last design?

OK, it may not actually be Wright’s truly last design — he designed a massive skyscraper, a pretty gonzo plan for a new Arizona state capitol complex, and a couple of other things that were never built which would’ve been pretty boss — but it may be the last thing Wright designed that was actually built. It’s in Phoenix, it’s round, it’s extremely Frank Lloyd Wright-y, it’s currently for sale, and it’ll set you back around $9 million. No word if it has actual running water which, these days, is not a minor detail in the greater Phoenix area.

Personally, I’ll pass on this house. If, however, a different Frank Lloyd Wright property in the greater Phoenix area comes on the market I’ll definitely put an offer in. I’ve had fantasies about living at that place.

An all-time stupid murderer

A Massachusetts man has been charged with murdering his wife sometime around New Year’s Day. The story has gotten a lot of publicity because, hey, pretty young white woman, but if this one hadn’t been in the news before now it probably would’ve made it by yesterday when it was revealed that, in between the time his wife went missing and his arrest, the guy was found to have searched online for “dismemberment and the best ways to dispose of a body.” But that’s not all! Among his other searches, which authorities say he conducted on one of his kids’ iPads:

• “How long before a body starts to smell?”

• “How to stop a body from decomposing”

• “How to embalm a body”

• “10 ways to dispose of a dead body if you really need to”

• “How long for someone to be missing to inherit”

• “What does formaldehyde do?”

• “How long does DNA last?”

• “Can identification be made on partial remains”

• "The best ways to dispose of a body”

• “How to clean blood from wooden floor”

• “What happens when you put body parts in ammonia?”

• “Hacksaw best tool to dismember”

• “Can you be charged with murder without a body?”

Oh, and he also bought $450 worth of cleaning products, tape, and plastic bags at a Home Depot right after she disappeared. Probably worth noting, too, that while all of this was happening, he was supposed to be confined to his home with an ankle monitor while awaiting sentencing after being convicted of selling a painting which he fraudulently claimed to be an Andy Warhol.

I imagine that his defense attorney is spending a lot of time this week sighing heavily, staring into the middle distance, and wondering why he didn’t go to culinary school instead.

Good luck, Ron

Ron DeSantis has been talked up by the media as the presumptive new leader of the Republican Party and the odds-on nominee in 2024. Someone forgot to tell actual Republicans about that:

The problem with cults of personality is that the cult tends to stick with the personality no matter what.

But dear God, Ron, that’s terrible. I mean, Trump hasn’t even started calling you names yet and you’re trailing him this badly? First time he says something about how short you are it’s over. Republican voters eat that crap up.

Career tropes

A Twitter thing went around yesterday in which people tweeted about how their careers are typically — but super unrealistically — portrayed in movies and on TV. They generally fit this pattern:

My entry: I'm a blogger in a film. I work in a modern, tech-forward office in the hippest part of the city and have a well-paid editor in a well-appointed corner office who is sending me on a trip to another city, far away, to spend a week or more working on a single post in which many people in the company are super invested. When I land in the far-off city to begin my reporting, people totally know who I am and the website I work for and treat me like I’m a well-respected journalist.

If I was going to use my old career I’d say that I am a lawyer in a film. Though in my late 20s, I am somehow lead counsel on a big case that all the senior partners in the firm are watching closely and upon which both my career and the future of the firm depend. I work long hours but they mostly consist of me, by myself, writing longhand on a legal pad with a couple of hardbound federal reporters open on my desk because that’s totally what you need for trial prep. On the eve of trial I am going to discover something troubling about my client and/or my case that will cause me a crisis of conscience. Once the trial begins I am going to, on a dime, change my entire theory and presentation of the case without consulting the client or anyone else and I am going to violate virtually every rule of evidence and convention of trial procedure but get away after the judge says “I’ll allow it . . . but you’d better be going somewhere with this Mr. Calcaterra.” I’ll win the trial, on my terms, while somehow preserving my integrity and gaining the grudging respect of, I wanna say my father, who himself was an attorney who made some bad decisions 30 years ago and now spends his time drinking too much in his cabin near the lake.

“Slow Horses”

Speaking of tropes, I am two episodes into Season 2 of the Apple TV spy show “Slow Horses.” I am truly loving it, but I can't remember a show or a movie that so thoroughly leans on "the-nearly-omnipotent-hacker-in-the-chair" character who can immediately break in to any computer system, access any surveillance camera, or tap any mode of communication anywhere, at any time, and retrieve precisely the thing required by the plot at that particular moment. And no, it is not made any better by the fact that the dialogue serves to deprecate the hacker character at any opportunity to suggest that he’s totally flawed in other ways, almost as an apology for his deus ex machina computer skills.

But like I said: the show slaps. Gary Oldman’s scenery-chewing is next-level. In the first episode of Season 2 there’s a scene in which all he’s doing is eating noodles in a dingy restaurant while someone else talks to him. He deserves an Emmy for that alone.

Bonus: the theme song is the best thing Mick Jagger has done since “Some Girls.” Yeah, I suppose that’s damning with faint praise — almost everything the Stones have done for the past 40+ years has been either mailed-in and/or utterly disposable1 — but I never skip the intro.

Have a great day, everyone.