Cup of Coffee: April 17, 2024

Good morning!

Today we take another visit to Rob Manfred’s MLB Dystopia, a contender gets some bad injury news, a Trevor Bauer accuser is in big trouble, a retired shortstop may be about to get drafted by the Florida Penal League, and two nonagenarian baseball legends ascended to Baseball Valhalla.

In Other Stuff, I will not tolerate misogynists in general but whiny, disingenuous misogynists are worse, and I talk way too much about Ticketmaster and antitrust policy.

You, in the back. I see you dozing off. Pay attention. This is gonna be on the final.

And That Happened 

Here are the scores. Here are the highlights:

Rays 7, Angels 6: I hate the Manfred Man but I also get mad at teams who have access to the Manfred Man yet still can’t seal the goddamn deal before the 13th goddamn inning. Seriously, clean it up you guys.

Phillies 5, Rockies 0: Ranger Suárez throws a complete game shutout, allowing seven hits and striking out eight. Meanwhile J.T. Realmuto and Bryce Harper each hit two-run homers and Harper added an RBI double. It was over in a cool two hours and seven minutes.

Orioles 11, Twins 3: The Baltimore bats beat Chris Paddack like he owed them money, lighting up the young man for nine runs on 12 hits in five and a third wearable innings. Gunnar Henderson, Jordan Westburg and Ryan O'Hearn all homered. Colton Cowser had a couple of RBI. James McCann doubled in a guy. Grayson Rodriguez pitched six solid innings.

Marlins 6, Giants 3: Miami took a 5-2 lead by the sixth and, honestly, the way their season has gone so far I assumed that meant that the Giants were 100% going to win. But I’ll be damned they didn’t. That was largely attributable to Ryan Weathers, who struck out ten while allowing two runs over six innings. Nothing is ever perfect for the Marlins, though, so he had to leave because of cramps in his left hand. The bullpen tried to give it away but failed to do so. Our resident Marlins fan Lou Schiff texted me to tell me that he was confused to not see Miami batting in the bottom of the ninth. Seems like a ripoff of a half inning’s worth of entertainment to me, but I’m sure they’ll try harder this afternoon.

Tigers 4, Rangers 2: Gio Urshela hit a tie-breaking RBI single in the eighth and then another run scored on a wild pitch to push Detroit past Texas. Casey Mize went six innings, allowing two runs and five hits, Andrew Chafin pitched one and a third hitless innings, striking out three, and Jason Foley got Adolis García out with two on in the ninth to save it.

Blue Jays 5, Yankees 4: Vlad Guerrero went 2-for-3 with two walks and drove in a couple. Yusei Kikuchi allowed one run on three hits over six innings to snag his first win of the year. Make it three losses in a row for the Yankees who drop their first series of the year in the process.

Mets 3, Pirates 1: Joey Wendle and Jeff McNeil each knocked in a run on a double while Pete Alonso scored the go-ahead run on a balk. Baseball has infinite ways of humbling you, but that’s a pretty deflating way to lose. José Quintana allowed one over five. Quintana, man. That creep can roll.

Padres 6, Brewers 3: Dylan Cease shoved, allowing one over six. He was backed by a Ha-Seong Kim three-run doink and a two-run single from Luis Campusano.

Guardians 10, Red Sox 7: I’m sure it’s obvious, but on weeknights I generally follow the east coast and central timezone games as they’re happening and then circle back in the morning before I publish to catch up on the west coast games. What that tends to mean is that I have a decent handle on what happened in the games that ended early because I’m still pretty alert and a decent handle on the games that finished late, because I’m a psychotic morning person and 5:17 AM is when I truly shine. But I’m at less than my best for the ones that end just before I sign off for the night. I’ll admit that. These are the games that end just as that last sip of bourbon or the full groove of that edible is hitting. They end at around 11, just when I know I should be going to bed but I don’t because I succumb to intrusive thoughts like “you must listen to the entirety of Massive Attack’s ‘Blue Lines’ right now or else you will DIE.” So I do that — oh my god it rules — and don’t really know what to do with this last box score that drops just before I hit the hay. Anyway, Guardians won, Red Sox lost, and I’m pretty sure “Blue Lines” is a top-five desert island album.

Atlanta 6, Astros 2: Six shutout innings from Reynaldo López and a homer from Orlando Arcia were all that was doing until the seventh when Arcia hit a sac fly to give Atlanta its second run. Luis Guillorme and Chadwick Tromp both doubled in two more runs in the ninth. Houston put up a couple in the bottom of the ninth but it didn’t amount to all that much. Also: I cannot believe there is a player named “Chadwick Tromp.”

Diamondbacks 12, Cubs 11: Arizona led 4-1 at one point, blew that, regained the lead in the fifth, and then the Cubs put up a six-spot in the seventh to go up 11-8. Arizona then decided that scoring runs in bunches was nowhere near as annoying to Cubs fans as scoring one run in each of the next four innings to win it in ten. OK, they probably didn’t decide that but I know damn well that that drip-drip-drip-drip kind of loss is way more annoying than simply getting clobbered for a bunch of runs in one inning. When that happens you just turn off the TV and find other things to do. When it’s death by a thousand cuts you just watch it in increasing misery. As for the cuts: Ketel Marte hit a tying solo homer with two outs in the ninth, and Randal Grichuk won it with a pinch-hit RBI double in the 10th. Oh, and Michael Busch’s home run streak ended at five.

Mariners 3, Reds 1: A week ago Cal Raleigh said that Mariners starter Logan Gilbert “pitched his nuts off” following a win in which Gilbert allowed one run on five hits in seven and two-thirds. Last night he allowed one run on three hits in six and two-thirds. No reports of detached body parts were made. Jonatan Clase — yes, that’s how you spell his name — had an RBI double. Mitch Haniger added an RBI single. The M’s also got a run on a bases-loaded walk. Julio Rodríguez’s defense was key as well, as he ran down a ball in the gap for the second out of the seventh inning and subsequently nailed Elly De La Cruz at third base with a throw to end what was looking like a Reds rally.

Cardinals 3, Athletics 2: Lance Lynn allowed two runs over seven and a run-scoring groundout and two sac flies supplied all of the St. Louis offense. The season-low crowd of 3,296 at the Oakland Coliseum was awestruck by the fireworks, I am sure.

Dodgers 6, Nationals 2: Mookie Betts had five hits, doubling twice and driving in two runs. It was the third time in his career he’s had five base knocks in a game. He’s now batting .388, which is the highest in all of baseball. Kiké Hernández homered. The Dodgers made it a bullpen game from their end, allowing just the two runs on seven hits. Patrick Corbin took the loss for Washington, giving up five runs, nine hits and four walks and pitching into the seventh, which is pretty much the quintessential Patrick Corbin pitching line.

Royals vs. White Sox — POSTPONED:

🎶 These are the seasons of emotion
And like the winds they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion
I seek the torch we all must hold
This is the mystery of the coldest quotient
Upon us all, upon us all a little rain must fall
It's just a little rain, oh, oh, ooh, yeah 🎶

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