Baseball's Most Handsome Managers

Good morning! And welcome to the tenth (!) installment of my annual Baseball’s Most Handsome Managers ranking.

This feature began back in 2013 when, at the Winter Meetings, Brad Ausmus walked by my wife and me in the hotel lobby, causing her to crane her neck and look at him like he was a big juicy steak. Before then it hadn’t really occurred to me that managers could be handsome, but since then I’ve made it my life’s work (well, my slow day in December’s work) to rank them. We don’t get to choose our legacies. Our legacies choose us.

The usual disclaimers:

• No baseball manager is ugly. The last person on the list is simply the 30th most-handsome manager, not the ugliest manager.

• This is a subjective list as beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

• Finally — and this disclaimer was originally written when a lot of jackwagons commented on my work at NBC, so it’s probably not as necessary now, but I’ll offer it all the same — this is merely a list of aesthetic handsomeness, not one of love or longing, as I am a straight man making these judgments. If you find something wrong or amiss with appreciating the handsomeness or beauty of someone to whom you are not sexually attracted, I feel sorry for you. There is far too much beauty among people in the world for us to fail to acknowledge 50% of it merely because we’re worried about appearing less than traditionally masculine or feminine. Free your mind, your ass will follow.

The rankings:

1. Skip Schumaker, Marlins

Hey . . .

I know a year or two of toiling in obscurity in Miami is gonna take its toll — ask Brad Ausmus or Mike Matheny what a few years of professional strife does to a handsome guy — but for now that fresh face, winning smile, and still-in-playing-shape physique makes Skip Schumaker Baseball’s Most Handsome Manager.

2. Gabe Kapler, Giants

Kapler was named Baseball Most Handsome Manager in 2017 and regained his crown again in 2021. He’s no less handsome now than he was last year or five years ago, but I think we can all relate to the idea of something or someone new grabbing our attention. Assuming Kapler keeps managing he’ll likely be back on top eventually.

3. Rocco Baldelli, Twins

Baldelli was number one on this list in 2019 and 2020, but he took a slight step back last year. He drops even farther this year. Not because he's any less handsome -- he's still a very handsome man! -- but because of the answer he gave when asked what, if he was not required to wear a uniform in the dugout, he would wear. His answer: "sweatpants and a sweatshirt." 

Now, to be fair, Terry Francona, Brandon Hyde, and Dave Roberts gave the same answer, but they have never been near the upper echelon of Manager Handsomeness so I don't expect much from them. Rocco, though? How you gonna pair those baby blues, that jawline, and that beautiful, slick scalp with something schlubby like sweats? Kapler said he'd wear a black suit. That seems a bit too much to ask, but Rocco: how about exploring the smart casual space? Or maybe some nice jeans and a vintage tee? That would totally work for you. 

4. Dusty Baker, Astros

There was a story in The Athletic a few months ago called “True Stories of Dusty Baker” in which people who know him just talked about him. This, from former Nationals pitcher Shawn Kelly, is one of my favorite Baker stories:

Dusty Baker turned 73 this year but he’s still the coolest manager in baseball by miles and miles. Never underestimate cool. Cool ages better than just about anything.

5. Craig Counsell, Brewers

Counsell turned 52 this year but I bet he still gets carded sometimes. Never underestimate cute. Cute ages better than hunky.

6. Kevin Cash, Rays

Cash could be Mark Ruffalo’s stunt double. That doesn’t make him inner-circle handsome, but he’s solidly in the top tier of Baseball’s Most Handsome Managers.

7. Derek Shelton, Pirates

There have been few stronger advocates for the Baseball’s Most Handsome Managers list than Derek Shelton over the years. Indeed, he has been a one-man promotional team. Now, to be fair, that seems to be 100 motivated by his desire to make fun of his good friend Rocco Baldelli, but one has to respect his commitment. He slides a bit from last year because he has gotten a bit lax on cropping that beard — close always looked better, Derek — but he’s still a pretty good-lookin’ guy.

8. Oliver Marmol, Cardinals 

Still a good looking guy, but he lost like his whole coaching staff over the past few months. There’s not really strength in solitude, Oliver. We may feel that there is, but we need each other. All of us do. Being alone takes a physical toll as well as a mental one.

9. Aaron Boone, Yankees

I’ve been told for several years that I’ve been ranking Boone too low. Maybe. If I am to rectify that I had better do it now, though, because I feel like we’re in the endgame of his tenure.

10. Pedro Grifol, White Sox

We are truly in the Golden Age of Bald Managers, aren’t we?

11. David Bell, Reds

Has managing the Reds aged David Bell or are the Reds simply too cheap to keep him supplied with Just for Men and moisturizer?  

12. Torey Lovullo, Diamondbacks

I’ve been a big fan of Lovullo’s for a while. He just seems like a good guy and, as far as handsomeness goes, he’s solid. I caught a new look for him last season, though, which I certainly appreciate. In a white (or maybe khaki) Dbacks alternate he looks like an old timey manager from the 30s, back when teams actually wore light-colored caps like that. Something about Lovullo’s face is timeless in the best way. If not a manager he could be an actor. Not Cary Grant or anything, but definitely the trainer in a B-movie boxing picture or, perhaps, the desk sergeant in a detective film.

13 (tie). A.J. Hinch, Tigers; Alex Cora, Red Sox

I used to have stronger feelings about Hinch but since he’s been in Detroit I don’t think about him all that often. Honestly, I think his tenure with the Tigers has served like an exile on top of his one-year suspension that caused him to leave Houston. I feel like to even things up that Alex Cora should be required to manage in obscurity for a couple of years too. Of course, given how Boston has rolled over the past couple of years, maybe he can stay put and still experience the same fate as Hinch.

15. Matt Quatraro, Royals 

I was gonna say something like “not bad lookin’ for an older fella,” and then I looked and saw that he’s four months younger than I am. Oh well. We’re all gonna die one day and then the sun is gonna turn into a red giant and consume all of the atoms which have ever existed on Earth so nothin’ really matters anyway.

16. David Ross, Cubs

There was a time when Ross’ grandpa beard was unique. Now between him, Derek Shelton, Mark Kotsay, and John Schneider the managerial ranks are being overrun with ‘em. I don’t hate the manager beards the way I hate the player beards — when you get old you have more to hide in the chin and jowl department so there’s a certain utility to facial hair — but there is a creeping sameness to it. I suppose Ross can call dibs, though.

17. Dave Roberts, Dodgers

I’m not gonna tell him how to do his job, but I honestly don’t think it was a good idea for Dave Roberts to have predicted, months ago, that he’d finish in the top-10 in the Most Handsome Manager list this year.

18. Bud Black, Rockies

Black has managed two teams a total of 15 seasons now. This despite the fact that he didn’t start managing until he was 50. So not only is he a Silver Fox, but he is a living, breathing example of how lives can and should have second acts. There’s something admirable — and handsome — about that.

19. Bob Melvin, Padres

I had anticipated that Melvin would climb the list to some degree due to San Diego being an infinitely better place to manage than Oakland given all the b.s. the A’s owners and executives are fomenting in and around the club — happiness at work improves everything — but he holds steady from last year. Not his fault. There were simply a number of more handsome managers hired this year. It’s a much tougher competition than it once was.

20. Scott Servais, Mariners

As I note down in the Phil Nevin blurb, there is a certain White Guy Manager Type™ these days. Servais was not the first to inhabit this type but he may be the industry standard. Not unattractive, but not exceptionally handsome. No unique, defining feature that sets him apart for good or for bad. A guy who looks like someone who can be counted on to get you to the airport, help you unload some lumber from the truck, or manage your bullpen without any drama. A guy who will always look about the same in every photo except for the photo taken at his daughter’s wedding which will be a good half-step to a step above the norm. “God he looked nice that day,” his wife thinks to herself. A fleeting desire that he always make that extra effort crosses her mind, but she dismisses it as soon as it appears. “No,” she says. “He’s a good man and if the worst thing he does is wear that old quarter-zip fleece and the white New Balances around all the time, well, I should count myself lucky.”

“Night dear,” he says.

“Night sweetie,” she says, content with what she has yet still imagining what more might look like.

21. Mark Kotsay, Athletics

I got a lot of comments about how I ranked Kotsay too low last year and I expect the same this year. Maybe I’m being unfair here, but when I look at him all I can see are unforced errors. He’s still only 47 and he appears to be in great shape so he doesn’t have the chins and jowls, yet he insists on the gray beard that puts ten years on him. Every photo I can find of him suggests that he’s not acquainted with sunscreen and that’s not gonna treat him well in the long run. He could be so much higher on this list with a little effort. Which, hey, he should do what he wants with his life — I’m not gonna tell him how to live — but in the narrow matter of judging his handsomeness, those things matter.

22. John Schneider, Blue Jays

I’m not comparing Schneider to Buzz Sawyer in any substantive way because Buzz Sawyer was a genuine piece of crap as a human being. All I’m saying is that if they ever wanted to do a Buzz Sawyer biopic they could do worse than casting Schneider. I don’t know who would play Tommy “Wildfire” Rich in such a film — gotta feature their feud in Georgia — but I’m sure we can figure it out.

23. Phil Nevin, Angels

Phil Nevin did not look like this — even a younger version of this, really — when he played. He was a different person. Phil Nevin now looks like some mad scientist took all of the white managers in baseball, put them in the teleporter from “The Fly” and this is what came out the other side. Look at him closely and you can see some Brian Snitker, some Bud Black, some Bob Melvin, and some Scott Servais. There are easily a half dozen other baseball managers in this look. It’s scary. It’s like white guy manager pod people have taken over.

24. Rob Thomson, Phillies 

Look, Rob Thomson is not the most handsome man around. At least by modern standards. Indeed, every photo I see of him puts me in mind of the third or fourth male lead from some 1940s or 1950s movie. Perhaps a wise teacher, a kindly preacher, or the father of young woman to whom the male lead is attracted. That guy is meant to deepen other characters with some exposition or to give voice to a theme in the movie or something, not to be attractive. Can't have him upstaging Burt Lancaster or Montgomery Clift or whoever.

That said, as reader Sam Sutliff pointed out to me recently, "how many managers get their faces printed on t-shirts and worn by a gaggle of young straight women? Philly Rob is #1 hands down." 

I'm not gonna go so far as to say that a bunch of attractive young women wearing “I Ride With Philly Rob” makes Thomson number one, but it definitely causes him to punch above his weight a bit. And probably puts a spring in his step.

25. Terry Francona, Guardians 

Tito’s transformation into an SEC football coach from the mid-to-late 80s happened so gradually that we didn’t really see it happening, did we?

26. Dave Martinez, Nationals

Last year I said that Martinez never smiles. A reader corrected me on that. Good to know. Doesn’t do much for me, but good to know.

27. Brandon Hyde, Orioles 

I don’t expect Brandon Hyde to smile given that he had a surprisingly contending team and the front office traded away his best player and his best reliever at the deadline, after which the O’s finished three games out of a playoff slot. Indeed, I’d expect a lot more frowning from him, frankly.

28. Buck Showalter, Mets

I actually think he’s more handsome than this, but I wanted to rank him artificially low to see if Steve Cohen will impulsively spring for expensive plastic surgery because money is no object to success for the New York Mets.

29. Brian Snitker, Atlanta

I have no idea why he walks around looking the way he looks when he used to look like this — and could still look like that if he wanted to! — but chooses not to anymore. A damn crime is what it is.

30. Bruce Bochy, Rangers 

In the early days of this feature, Bochy, Clint Hurdle, and Ron Gardenhire finished at or near the bottom of this ranking a couple of years running. Each of them, however, had a hell of a good sense of humor about it. Indeed, I even think there was an element of pride involved, as if they appreciated the low ranking because they’d consider a higher one to imply that there was a superficiality about them that risked depriving them of gravitas. The other side of that was how I heard through the grapevine that Brad Ausmus, a multi-time Most Handsome Manager, was not at all comfortable with it and actually got a bit upset when one of his players teased him about it. Not saying all managers are wired that way, but guys near the top being self-conscious about it while guys near the bottom considering it to be a hoot is definitely a pattern I’ve noticed.

I offer that so that everyone knows my putting Bochy in the 30th slot is not in any way an insult. Indeed, it’s a tribute. A homecoming. Yeah, given that I damn near killed Bochy with my ranking of him one year I gotta be careful, but I suspect that he and longtime readers of this feature will appreciate it as the salute that it is intended to be.

We’re happy you’re back, Boch! Happy that your head is back in a New Era 8⅛ and your butt is back in a dugout. As far as I’m concerned, it’s an honor to place you at 30, and I hope that you appreciate that!

And with that we have put this feature to bed for another year.